Selected passages from the book
Excerpt from Risa Shaw’s Afterword to the Second Edition
“To my sister survivors out there reading this book: Do not give up. Tell your story. Tell it in whatever way you can: with words, signs, drawings, colors, and tears. Find someone who believes you. We are here. We will walk your path with you. My wish for you is that you can find your voice, believe in yourself, and know that you were not to blame.”
“To family members and bystanders: Believe any girl (or boy) who tells you someone sexually abused them. Believe them–and tell them you believe them. Get support for yourself so you can be present and face the horror. Deal with your feelings of helplessness, anger, and conflicting loyalties. Know your responses can cause additional harm. Look at your actions (and inaction) and be accountable. Expect a long, rough, confusing process. Do not expect trust until you show that you can be trusted. “
“To perpetrators/those who harm: Step up. Admit to yourself what you have done and the harm you have caused. Be accountable for the harm you have caused. See the shame and self-blame you have caused. Acknowledge and name what you did to your sisters. Do this publicly. Tell the world that this is not ‘boys will be boys.’ Speak up and find ways to put a stop to sexual violence, especially brothers harming sisters. It is the least you can do. “
“Our movement gives us the opportunity to build something better. To right injustice. To ensure that future generations will not experience this abuse. What is your part in ending sexual violence? What role will you play? This second edition of Not Child’s Play is an invitation to listen and learn, to talk to people in your family and in your life, and to take action to stop sexual violence from ever occurring again. What actions will you take?”
Shattering the Silence: Excerpt from Lynn Bonde’s Foreword
“#MeToo has changed the lives of innumerable women who have found courage in the solidarity and safety of a community of those who also have experienced the harm done by predatory men. But for women and girls abused by siblings and whose exploitation is inextricably entangled with family secrets, their own shame, and the psychologically and physically destructive effects of incest, especially assault perpetrated by their brothers – the women whose voices are so bravely captured in Not Child’s Play: An Anthology on Brother-Sister Incest – #MeToo may not, at first, be enough.”
“The first edition of Not Child’s Play: An Anthology on Brother-Sister Incest, published in 2000, shone a bright, trenchant light on this much more hidden form of sexual predation, the assault perpetrated by brothers against their sisters. Now, this updated second edition, coming as it does in the midst of a revitalized atmosphere of greater gender equality in which women are beginning to name the truth of the violence of patriarchy and demand that abusers be held responsible, offers an opportunity for a whole new audience. Survivors, family members, lovers, friends, and those interested in shifting the dynamics of the myth of male superiority and power, can now see the reality of what is, perhaps, the most destructive of all the ways in which girls are harmed by being sexually exploited. Sibling sexual abuse involves more physical force and causes more and longer lasting harm than any other form of child sexual abuse. Trauma, shame, grief, and isolation are only part of the injury to the girl’s sense of self. Even more destructive is the loss of a fundamental ability to trust not only that which was supposed to be trustworthy – the safety of home and family – but just about everything and everyone else, including the self. And these injuries can last a lifetime.”
One Voice at a Time: Excerpt from Margaret Randall’s Foreword
“In the rich chorus of voices, until now, we have had little (certainly not a full collection) from women who were sexually abused by their brothers. Perhaps brother-sister abuse has seemed an arena less easily defined. The abusive brother may be only a few years older than the abused sister. Issues of domination and control may be less clear. ‘Child’s play’ is too often the term used to label and dismiss this activity when it comes into view (thus the affirmation of the book’s title). But, as Shaw makes clear in her introduction, ‘Brother-sister incest is not about a brother ‘experimenting’ with sex and the sister he has chosen for that ‘experiment.’ It is about power and control.’ As indeed is all abuse, and patriarchy itself.”
“Risa Shaw has organized this anthology in an interesting and useful way. Divided into three general sections, her chorus of rebellious voices take us on an all-too-familiar journey. In Section I, the secret festers, taunting every area of the victim’s life. In Section II, the secret threatens to tear our life apart, and we seek the help we need to be able to confront it. And in Section III, the secret is told: screamed, whispered, shouted, moaned, sung a cappella into the void. And behold: in the telling we do not die. Rather, we understand we are not alone. And we join the growing number of survivors reclaiming what was taken from us. Some contributors have added a preface or afterword, as well, giving the reader initial fears and/or later follow-up.”
“’Speaking up and speaking out changes everything,’ Shaw tells us. And she goes on to share with us the story of one of her contributors who, upon sending in her work, wrote that she was showing her writing for the first time. Simply sending it to someone was liberating enough, this woman said publication wasn’t necessary. We who are survivors know how vital this telling is. As long as we keep our abuser’s secret, we remain in fact complicit with the abuse. In silence we continue to protect the criminal and perpetuate the patriarchy that has become his home. The moment we speak, everything changes. We are on the way to recovering voice, which is the first stage of wholeness.”